New Me. New Year. New Blog

This year in school I am a sophomore. I now have a mind set of what high school is like, how those friends you have could no longer be there for you when you need them, and how everyone is changing (or rearranging if you'd like to call it).

This year-

• I have a new dog named Rollo. He looks a little like Zeus but in his own way.
• I am not playing volleyball for school.. I'm still debating about doing club ball.
• I will be able to drive in less than 3 months!!! I'm so excited! I will be so free!
• I am going to have to get a new job. Babysitting kind of regularly is no longer in the cards with Audra becoming a stay at home mom again.
• I am taking multiple AP classes this school year which means more homework for me... yay!

Well last year I went into the school year losing a couple friends from junior high and what da ya know? I lost more this year too. All beacuse of a stupid bet.


                       Gosh, sometimes I think I am a complete idiot.

And I need to practice my dancing, oh please, daddy, please

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays without a care in the world...

The life every girl wants to live-
A good relationship with both parents.
A relationship with the Lord that is stronger than anything in the world.
A perfect size 2 body.
A best friend who listens to her pointless drama whenever she needs her.
A dream and goal.
The boy with brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, soft freckles on the bridge of his nose, tan skin that glows when wearing light blue shirts. The boy she can't help but smile when thinking about. The boy that she wishes time would stop when they are together. The boy whom she dreams about in the middle of the night. The boy who is already a good friend. The boy she thinks is adorable for liking fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and grape kool-aid. The boy who makes her laugh when she is in the worst mood. The boy who she wishes about kissing his sweet lips. The boy she will spend hours in the kitchen making yummy goodies for because she lost a bet. The boy's sweatshirt she wishes to wear one day. The boy she pictures when she hears funny, cute, or bowl. It's that boy that she wonders if he will ever come into her life.


And now he is here. His name is D. She is completely entranced by him and he has no idea. Every wish on those shooting stars, the eyelashes, the 11:11s, the birthday candles is not coming true. At night, she wonders if this is right. Why can't he see she likes him?  She is trying so hard not to give up but she doesn't know how much longer she can with stand the pain.

Lost in a sea of hate

Well.. I don't know what to say. So many things are going through my head right now that they won't come out on paper very well. I really just want to pretend that I am sick and lay in my bed and cry. I wish God could reply to texts and tell me what to do and why I feel this way. I'm so lost. I can't give up but what choice is left...? This world is tearing me down into a million pieces. Picking at every little thing that is an imperfection. I'm weak and everyday I'm getting weaker mentally. I don't know what to do anymore.

Sara Symon

Well, I would say "Happy September!", but yesterday, September 1st, a Senior girl from BHS passed away from a car accident. Her name was Sara Symon and her favorite color was blue. I never got the chance to meet this amazing girl but from tweets like this one, Emma Kinsey- "She had a smile that went on for a thousand miles.. And that wasn't even a good day<3" Last night while I was on Twitter SO MANY people were tweeting about her and everything that made her perfect in her own way. In memory of her, mostly everyone at BHS wore blue today. We also gathered in the North Commons and listened to her parents speak to us, bible verses to help us get through the day, and pray as a huge family. All of these pictures were taking this morning before school. Its a sea of blue for Sara. This girl was loved by many who knew her and by many who didn't like me. She brought so many people to Christ in these past two days because people want to be certain where they are going after death. This is a great opportunity for me to share the Gospel with many people at our school. And Sara, if you are looking down on me, I just want you to know that you will always be loved for the wonderful girl you were down here. We know that you are doing great things up in Heaven as an angel for Christ. Everyone will see you at those gates when it is our time to go. BHS and everyone in NWA loves you and are praying for you and your family.

This is what they did for her parking spot at the high school. She will always be loved.

She also had just made it on Homecoming Court and everyone has already decided that she has won. So please, if you go to Bentonville, vote Sara Symon Homecoming Queen 2011 <3

ALSO PRAY FOR HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO ARE GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW!

You care too much..

about the way you look. There are some embarrassing pictures of you online and you OF COURSE cannot have them on there because "blah blah blah" and "blah blah blah."

GET OVER IT!!! You are caring to much about what other people think and look of you if they see that. It doesn't matter anyways because it happened like 2 years ago. So no, I will not be persuaded to do something that isn't important.

Sorry for the little rampage.. Had to get my anger out somehow.

I wish I could say...

•  That I'm over you.

I had this HUGE crush on this guy all during junior high and then summer came around and I never saw him so I thought I was over him! Of course at Freshmen Orientation wherever I was he was too! I was with my mom that day so I didn't say hi or even really look at him because then she would ask all these questions like "Do you have a crush on him? Is he your boyfriend?" and more. So when he sent me a message on Facebook saying 'What's up cutie?', my heart melted. I ran to find my laptop and message him back before he got off. I'm always in a good mood whenever we talk to each other!
We talked for about 20 minutes and then I had to go to bed because I had church in the morning. I gave him a perfect situation for him to ask me for my number but he didn't. I'm so confused if he has my number or not. I mean he never asked for it before and he didn't the other night either...
Anyways! I should NOT like him. He has never shown a true interest in me! Well minus all the flirting that goes on! You could say he is my flirting buddy. I wonder if I constantly told myself that I was over him that it would soon happen..

• that I'm done crying.

I have another guy friend that in 6th grade we were bestfriends. Then came junior high. He had a different girl every two weeks and I was struggling to stay his best friend. I started to give up on staying his best friend and then I realized I couldn't because I really liked him like more than a friend. And now that we have gotten to high school he has dated some of my best friends and sometimes I wonder if he still thinks of me like he once did. You know those people who you just can't stay away from not because of a physical or emotional attraction but because it feels like you should be there for them? I have cried so much over this kid that I'm beginning to wonder if it's even worth it to keep the friendship. It kills me to say that but its becoming so true..

"I love you this big."

I think that song is the cutest thing ever! I wish some guy would sing that to me! Scotty is adorable also! I know one thing for sure, that if you don't like country music I can't date you. Sorry. And I certainly do NOT want you to pretend that you like it or try to impress me by talking about it. I will outsmart you. I write country music and listen to it constantly so it's pretty much my life.

Quick little post so I can get to bed! Have a good weekend! :)